Wednesday, September 24, 2008
So Baby K said her first word beside "Mama" and "Dada". I was feeding her lunch in her diaper and she started tickling her own belly and looked at me and said "tickle tickle"- it was very clear and definitely not a freak thing because I then tickled her and she said it again! Then she said it on the phone for Grandma and Aunt Audrey and Daddy. Then should took a nap because I had worn her out with my stage mom antics. She also turned 11 months yesterday, which is totally crazy! I am so proud of that big busy brain in her little bald head.
I have also realized that depression is no joke- With some ebbs and flows, I have been pretty depressed for the past several, say 8 months (it is a common myth that post-partum starts up right after the baby is born, for many women it's 3-6 months later). I am finally reaching the end of the tunnel however, with a little more medication and good therapy and a solid dose of gratitude for the life I have. I had an old friend email me and he was concerned because it seemed like I did not have a very happy life. I was so surprised! But then I looked at my past blogs and realized that for people who don't see me or actually talk to me often, or who don't know Patrick, it absolutely appears that way.
But in reality I am in awe at some point every single day of the overwhelming multitude of blessings that I have. My husband is a saint- Patrick is the most kind, loving and tolerant person I have ever encountered in my entire life. I would note that I am learning that I just have irrational expectations. (Amazing book dr.G is having me read call "The Guide to Rational Living" by Albert Ellis- it's changing my life, for now.) He is my cheerleader- I think I could even get him to wear an outfit and glue pom poms to his hand if he thought it would truly make him happy. Lucky for him, he looks great in his suit. :)
And I am truly grateful for my body- it's healthy and I have use of all four limbs. I promised myself when I broke my foot, I would never take walking for granted again, and of course I totally have. Did I mention I'm working on gratitude and rational expectations?
I am also humbled by my healthy child. When she was in my tummy, we weren't so sure for a while that she would live for very long in this world. (Modern tests are wonderful but they can also be such a curse.) And here she is happy and healthy and tickling her own tummy. What more can a mommy ask for...
Monday, September 15, 2008
So my diet was going great until the last two weeks, while I have not gained any weight back, I don't think I have lost anymore fat. (I have gained a ton of muscle and the numbers on the scale went up even though I have lost an entire size in the past six weeks.) The scale is now put away!!! I have just hit my half-way point in this entire process and began to get complacent with my progress. I also think I needed to take a little break and now I am back in the saddle and ready to be diligent once again.
But the interesting part of this diet part so far has been my perception of myself and my body. And my goals... in the beginning my goal was to be skinny, like a was before the K came. But now I just want to be strong and buff and healthy- in whatever size is best for me, no matter what that weighs or looks like. I know how corny I sound! But I don't want Karissa to grow up thinking that she has to be skinny to feel good about herself like I did- I think that if she sees me love my body, and work out and eat healthy, hopefully that is what she will equate to being beautiful. Not the number on the tag of my pants or the one on the scale.
Junior league starts up again this week as well- I am definitely excited about the grown up girl aspect of this organization. But I am going to be super-aware of the materialistic aspect of being a woman in palm beach. I know that I got caught up in the clothes and the shoes etc. my first year and that is not going to happen this year. I would love to show these women how fabulous a chick can look rocking Old Navy and a hip pair of Target sunglasses... I'll let you know how this goes. :)