Wednesday, September 24, 2008
So Baby K said her first word beside "Mama" and "Dada". I was feeding her lunch in her diaper and she started tickling her own belly and looked at me and said "tickle tickle"- it was very clear and definitely not a freak thing because I then tickled her and she said it again! Then she said it on the phone for Grandma and Aunt Audrey and Daddy. Then should took a nap because I had worn her out with my stage mom antics. She also turned 11 months yesterday, which is totally crazy! I am so proud of that big busy brain in her little bald head.
I have also realized that depression is no joke- With some ebbs and flows, I have been pretty depressed for the past several, say 8 months (it is a common myth that post-partum starts up right after the baby is born, for many women it's 3-6 months later). I am finally reaching the end of the tunnel however, with a little more medication and good therapy and a solid dose of gratitude for the life I have. I had an old friend email me and he was concerned because it seemed like I did not have a very happy life. I was so surprised! But then I looked at my past blogs and realized that for people who don't see me or actually talk to me often, or who don't know Patrick, it absolutely appears that way.
But in reality I am in awe at some point every single day of the overwhelming multitude of blessings that I have. My husband is a saint- Patrick is the most kind, loving and tolerant person I have ever encountered in my entire life. I would note that I am learning that I just have irrational expectations. (Amazing book dr.G is having me read call "The Guide to Rational Living" by Albert Ellis- it's changing my life, for now.) He is my cheerleader- I think I could even get him to wear an outfit and glue pom poms to his hand if he thought it would truly make him happy. Lucky for him, he looks great in his suit. :)
And I am truly grateful for my body- it's healthy and I have use of all four limbs. I promised myself when I broke my foot, I would never take walking for granted again, and of course I totally have. Did I mention I'm working on gratitude and rational expectations?
I am also humbled by my healthy child. When she was in my tummy, we weren't so sure for a while that she would live for very long in this world. (Modern tests are wonderful but they can also be such a curse.) And here she is happy and healthy and tickling her own tummy. What more can a mommy ask for...