Thursday, August 28, 2008
So I have discovered the reason Heavenly Father sent Baby K to me specifically. The chick can clap! She started clapping two days ago and now she does it constantly (I think because she feels like my mere presence is cause for applause...) Did I mention she also yells "yay" as she claps? This is especially important to me now considering Patrick has been a little frustrating for me lately because he doesn't cheer enough for me. I know that he's tired when he gets home from his long days at work, but I could use being appreciated once in a while. Like yesterday for example; I busted my butt rearranging the living room furniture and cleaned the bathrooms (we have several glass doors and mirrors and tile and grout- I EVEN CLEANED THE GROUT!!!) and I waited for Patrick to notice. I waited and waited and waited and Patrick never said a darn thing so I finally brought it up and I got a "oh yeah, it looks nice." This has been the standard, or lack thereof lately...
I should have married a male cheerleader- I kid you not. A professional male cheerleader who would pull out pom poms when I got home and yell and jump for me when I cleaned the bathroom or made a good dinner. It wouldn't even matter if he was gay- I would totally trade a good roll in the hay for someone who cheered me on the way I feel like I deserve.
I would like to make a sidenote that I perhaps need a little more support and encouragement than most- my nieces have an impression of me that they do where they jump up and down and yell "You love me, right? You think I'm pretty, right. I love you! Do you love me?" Which shows just how many positive affirmations I need (I would like to note that I give as much support and encouragement as there are hours in the day, complete with jumping up and down and interpretive dances.) I don't know- I just wanted a pat on the back (literally) when I spend my days making his home comfy and his meals yummy and his baby happy.
Then again, maybe I should just get Baby K pom poms and call it a day.
Monday, August 18, 2008
I am amazed at what a cliche of a mother I am. Baby K is almost 10 months old and as I watch her grow and progress into a real person, I see myself develop as her mother and now understand so many of the hopes and fears I have seen in the women around me who also have children. I feel a surge of pride at every little hint of progress and am so grateful that out of the 6+ billion people on the planet, we chose each other before this life even began. (Although there is a good chance she chose Patrick as her father and I was just part of the package deal...)
There are also things about her already remind me of yours truly. She already has my temper, and my sense of humor- everything is funny to her regardless of whether anyone else is laughing. She sings to herself all the time. And she talks non-stop, to the dogs, to me, to her toys. She loves TV and books and likes to just be in her diaper. (My mom had to bribe me to put clothes on when people came over until I was five!)
And there are things about her that I hope she will never struggle with as I have. I pray she never worries about if she's pretty enough, or thin enough because she is too busy being captain of her soccer team. (I always wanted to play soccer but didn't start early enough.) I hope she is secure enough not to care if boys don't call instead of crying on the bathroom floor like someone else I know did. I hope she looks at all of the addiction in her family and never drinks, or even tries drugs. I pray she is much happier than I was growing up, and experiences more peace and security, knowing that patrick and I will always be there for her in a way my own parents weren't, and that with our support, she will be able to do anything, or nothing, and we will love her just the same.
I vacuumed today and saw a glimpse of my child that gave me pure satisfaction that she will indeed be more many things that I am not. I remember being little and sitting on the couch with my feet up off the floor, waiting in fear for my mom to take the vacuum into another room. I was convinced it would suck me up into its bag and I would be forced to exist among the dirt that was once on our floor. But not my child, she is not afraid of the vacuum as it loudly rolls along the tile- she crawls after it and laughs when I push it towards her toes. Already she laughs in the face of things that I have feared, let's hope we can keep her that way.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
This picture is of Patrick's grandpa with Baby K and they are best buds. It was actually the night Grandpa Dempsey found out his only daughter had past away days before. It was a very sad situation and I had never met Patrick's aunt Belinda. She was a severe alcoholic who was an agoraphobic and been on oxygen for quite a long time. She a around 55 when she died and even her son didn't know until a couple days after she had been cremated. Do I accept that this could easily happen to my family? Absolutely- but I think that is why I am so grateful for the gospel. For the word of wisdom and eternals families specifically. What if this happened to me and I thought that this life was all there was? I can't imagine...
Grandpa Dempsey had also lulled Belinda to sleep in that same rocking chair. Patrick said that it was deeply moving to see them together; Baby K has an intense love for Grandpa and the way he sings to her. (I had stayed home to take a long bath and read.) It is amazing to see K with her grandparents and great-grandparents, when I didn't have either growing up. It is such a comfort that she will have them in her life since my mom is not able right now to be an active part of our family. I had always imagined that she would be here a lot to hold and take care of my kids the way she had with my nieces and nephews and now I am unsure that will ever happen but that's okay.
oh yeah, by the way- I lost three pounds last week and "Body for Life for Women" ROCKS! It was really pretty easy and I was never hungry and my milk supply went way up! I would highly suggest it for anybody, especially because it seems really sustainable and healthy for the long-term.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
So after my last self-pitying post, I decided to get off my lazy bum and do something about my current state of affairs. I bought the book "Body for Life for Women", read it on Tuesday and started it today. I even copied the eating plan and daily summary pages and the Valerie, my fabulous mailing center lady, bound them for me so that I can have all my stuff together. Nothing makes a person more committed than when acquaintances are gung-ho about your efforts. I went to her just to have the pages copied and she not only copied them but also put one of those plastic bindy things in the pages and a cute cover. And I see her at least once a week when I mail something patrick has sold on ebay and Valerie said she is going to check up on me every week to see how I'm doing. How's that for accountability?!
My brother-in-law did the boy version several years ago and I remember him looking amazing so I figured it couldn't hurt to try. Plus I am still nursing and you eat a ton while on it, like 5 or 6 times a day so I figure my milk will stay up. We shall see how this goes.
Patrick and I had a fabulous vacation in Tahoe with my sister and got along practically every second. I am so lucky we actually get along, even with cancelled flights and all. Baby K and my nephews were super cute together too- they were gaga over her which I was expecting considering they're 11 and 12 year old boys. It was a great getaway after all that's been going on lately...